Be Kind to Yourself

Thomas Kempis said, “First keep peace with yourself, then you can also bring peace to others.” We experience inner peace when we show kindness and compassion to ourselves, yet sometimes we are kinder to others than we are to ourselves. As we treat ourselves with mercy and gentleness, it becomes easier to treat others that way.

Notice the things you say to yourself throughout the day. How often do you criticize yourself? How quick are you to blame yourself for innocent mistakes?

This morning I scolded myself for driving through mud after getting my car washed yesterday. I stopped the negative self-talk when I remembered that because of road construction near our home, I had no other choice than to drive along a dirty road to get to the grocery store. Even if there was no road construction near our home, when I chose to blame myself for being human I moved from a place of love into a place of fear.

During the past week I’ve heard many of my friends and family members blame themselves for mistakes they did not make. My daughter, Melanie, a nurse, told me how frustrated she was when she was caring for a sick neighbor and did not take her to the hospital as quickly as the neighbor needed to go. The part of the story she needed to remember was they her neighbor, also a nurse, refused to go to the hospital. I reminded her that she had done the very best she could do under the circumstances. In fact, when Melanie and her doctor-husband, Chris, took their neighbor to the emergency room that night, they saved the woman’s life.

Whenever we find ourselves saying “I should have…..(taken my neighbor to the doctor sooner) or” I would have…..(prevented suffering and medical complications if I had taken my neighbor to the doctor sooner), we are not being kind to ourselves. Most of us do this far too often, but as we learn to monitor our thinking patterns, we can replace critical thoughts with compassionate ones.

Sometimes we need a loving friend to remind us to do this. However, we can also become a loving friend to ourselves and remind ourselves that we are doing the best we can with the knowledge and experience that we have. If you are tempted to berate yourself, replace that thought with something positive. Remind yourself that you are a incredible human being who is created in the image of God. Express love to yourself for the good things you are doing. Be bold. Tell yourself, “I love you. I love you unconditionally. I am perfectly and wonderfully made."

If you make a serious mistake, make amends, ask for God’s forgiveness, and then forgive yourself. Show yourself the same mercy that God shows you. Don’t dwell on your past mistakes. Instead, give yourself the same compassion that you would give your dearest friend.

Think of the many ways you can show kindness to yourself. Develop a talent. Take good care of your body. Learn something new. Do something you enjoy, whether it’s taking a nature walk, soaking in a hot tub, or reading a good book. Spend a few moments each day loving God and feeling His love for you. Write down a list of the good things you have done in your life and refer to that list if you are feeling sad.

As we fill up our own reservoirs of love and kindness, we can then radiate that love to others. "How far you go in life depends on your being tender with the young, compassionate with the aged, sympathetic with the striving, and tolerant of the weak and strong. Because someday in your life you will have been all of these." (George Washington Carver)


© Carol Brown

Four Questions that Can Change Your Life

Byron Katie was consumed by anger, self-loathing, addictions, and misery. Living in a half-way house, she had a flash of insight in which she discovered that she had the power to change her life by changing her thinking. Her breakthrough, called the Work, has helped thousands move from a place of sorrow to a place of peace.

You begin the Work by writing about someone that you have not fully forgiven. You describe how this person angers, confuses, saddens, or disappoints you and why. Next, you discuss how you want the person to change and what you want them to do. After that, you tell what this person should or shouldn’t do, think, or feel. Finally, you write down what this person needs to do in order that you can be happy, what you think of them, and what is it that you don’t want to experience from this person again.

You move into a place of loving kindness and gentleness as you ask the following questions:

1. Is it true?

2. Can you absolutely know that it is true?

3. How do you react, what happens, when you believe that thought?

4. Who would you be without that thought?

After you mindfully answer those questions, you then turn around your answers. For example, if you say, “My spouse does not listen to me, “ instead you say, “My spouse does listen to my spouse,” “I don’t listen to me,” and “I don’t listen to my spouse.” After considering these statements, you find three genuine, specific examples of how this turnaround is true in your life.

One might argue that this type of thinking condones violence or abuse, but, in fact, the Work speaks forcefully against abuse. Instead, it allows us to move forward in our lives by refusing to let any abusive person destroy our peace of mind. It also helps us to realize that we can become our own worst enemy when we ruminate on the faults of others without realizing that we, too, are guilty of similar behaviors.

The Work enhances the teachings of Jesus, who taught us that we cannot honestly judge others when we ourselves have similar weaknesses. He said, "Do not judge, or you too will be judged. For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.

"Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother's eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? How can you say to your brother, 'Let me take the speck out of your eye,' when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother's eye” (Matthew 7: 1-5 NIV).

This teaching can be turned around. Since God asks us to love others as we love ourselves, we discover when doing the Work that we experience sorrow when we continually berate ourselves for making mistakes that others make as well. As we show the same loving kindness to ourselves that we show to others, we experience spiritual healing. Of course, we ask for God’s forgiveness when we sin, but we also need to forgive ourselves after we have experienced His grace.

Katie reminds us that there are three types of business in the universe: mine, yours, and God’s. She explains that much of our suffering comes from trying to live outside of our own business. She says, “When I think, ‘You need to get a job, I want you to be happy, you should be on time, you need to take better care of yourself,’ I am in your business. When I’m worried about earthquakes, floods, war, or when I will die, I am in God’s business.”

When you practice the Work, you discover that you don’t have any business because your life runs beautifully as you detach from your negative thinking. You also discover that the way that you view and judge others is a reflection of your own thinking. As we release others from judgment, we free ourselves as well.

Katie offers some free worksheets to help you get started. You can find them at http://www.thework.com/downloads/worksheet. She teaches us that suffering can challenge us to inquiry and that as we discover the truth about our thought-induced suffering, we recognize that we no longer need people and situations to change in order to find peace. Peace is inside us, waiting to be found.

© Carol Brown

Reducing and Eliminating Stress

We live in a fast-paced world that encourages us to be busy, productive, and successful. We seldom hear that we need to be peace-filled, calm, and content in order to be happy. We assume that if we buy more, do more, and achieve more, we will be more fulfilled only to discover worldly things may provide temporary pleasure but not permanent peace.

Doctors, psychologists, therapists, health professional, and religious leaders know that when we live with constant anxiety and stress, we risk becoming emotionally or physically ill. Unfortunately, the hectic pace of life can destroy our quality of life. Some simple practices can help us reclaim our ability to live a healthy, balanced life.

Consider how the following will help you life a more peaceful, joy-filled life:

• Daily renewal. Setting aside a few moments each day for meditation and prayer can be an inspiring process. Taking a few moments for reflection, for listening to the sounds of nature, and for self-renewal can be priceless.

• Weekly renewal. We need to taking one day a week to rest from work, shopping, and daily chores so that we can recharge our spiritual batteries and increase our peace of mind. Taking time to worship, to praise God, and to remember our many blessings can be a healing time on that day. Each Sabbath, we can deepen our relationship with the Lord, with our loved ones and neighbors, and with ourselves. We can learn how to better love ourselves. As we remove ourselves from worldly things, we can discover the purpose for which we were created.

• Monthly renewal. Spending a few hours each month eliminating clutter from our surroundings, planning ways to live more prudently, and planning activities that will bring balance and restoration to our souls can be invaluable. When our homes are free from clutter, we experience greater serenity. As we discover how to live on less and incorporate activities into our lives that foster healing and wholeness, we experience greater peace. A simple walk in the park, spending time with good friends and family members, and reading inspirational literature can edify us and enrich our lives.

• Yearly renewal. Taking a few days each year to go on a retreat or to return to a natural environment can be most healing. Whether you camp in the woods, spend time beside a sea shore, or visit a National Park, as we spend time amid God’s glorious creations, we experience greater peace. You cannot purchase peace in a mall, a catalog, or a store. You find it as you spend time savoring the beauties of nature.

• Continuous renewal. Throughout the day, as we open ourselves to peaceful thoughts, words, and activities, we discover the path to perfect peace. As we meditate on God’s perfect love for us, live in a spirit of mindfulness and contentment, we can experience peace amid sorrow. Although we may not have financial abundance, good health, or an ideal job, we can experience serenity as we center our hearts on a Higher Power. He has promised that as we yoke ourselves to Him, we will experience rest.

As we renew our bodies, minds, and spirits daily, weekly, monthly, and yearly and as we make self-renewal a part of our everyday living, we discover that peace is inside us, waiting to be discovered and nurtured. As we live balanced lives, we will discover ways to define our lives not by what we do but by who we are. We will recognize our life’s purpose and realize that God’s is waiting to help us fulfill it one with each breath we take, thought we think, and word we speak.
© Carol Brown

Creating a Prayer List

Think about all the people you know who could use a prayer today. They may include:


• A family member who is ill

• A friend who is struggling

• An acquaintance who has lost a job

• An elderly neighbor who is lonely

• A co-worker who is grumpy

• A boss who is overbearing

• A stranger who looks overwhelmed

• A driver who appears angry

• A clerk, waitress, or doctor who seems exhausted

• An associate who is depressed

• A colleague who is struggling with an addiction

It is helpful to write down the names of each person who needs your prayers. You may want to jot down a special need that person may have beside his or her name. Then, when you are waiting for an appointment, spending a quiet moment at home, or spending a few minutes on hold on the phone,
you can pull out your list and pray for those people.

Right now my list includes:

• A son who struggles with a chronic illness

• A brother-in-law who is dying of cancer

• A close friend who is having surgery for uterine cancer

• A sister-in-law who has congestive heart failure

• A niece who is hospitalized with bipolar schizo-affective disorder

• A neighbor who is fighting colon cancer

• An elderly friend who is losing her vision and her hearing

• A single friend who has no close relatives who live nearby

• An acquaintance in an abusive marriage

• A son who recently joined the military

• A colleague whose has scoliosis of the spine and whose back is hurting

• A granddaughter who has severe asthma

• My husband who has recently had surgery

• A friend who just had her hip replaced

• A friend’s son who is an alcoholic

My list is much longer than this, but perhaps this gives us a few ideas for people you might include on your list. There are so many people who need and deserve our prayers. Recently, my husband asked our granddaughter to bless the food. Hailey, who is eight, not only blessed the food but prayed for those who are hungry and lonely, for those who do not have a home or warm clothes, for everyone who is sick or dying, and for all the people in the world who do not feel loved. I feel certain that God heard her sincere pray.

Imagine how the world would be transformed in people in every nation were praying for peace, living peacefully, and seeking for peaceful solutions to serious problems. Imagine how much smoother traffic would flow, families would function, and communities would operate if all of us were praying for one another and then allowing God to make us instruments of His peace.

When we write down a list of those for whom we are praying, we can remember who needs our prayers and then note when and how our prayers are answered. I have been praying or months for my brother-in-law, Ray, who has lung, liver, brain, and bone cancer. Although I realize he will not be cured, I knew He needed God’s comfort and blessings. Recently, his son-in-law was transferred to the small town where Ray lives. I know that this transfer that this exact time is not a coincidence but is an example of God’s tender timing.

Think of the many people that you know. Perhaps there is someone today who desperately needs your prayers. And, while you are making your list, don’t forget to put yourself on it. Each of us needs God’s protection, mercy, comfort, and compassion every moment of every day.

Prayer needs to include worship of God, thanks for His gifts, His goodness, and His mercy. God wants us to worship Him, and our prayers need to reflect our reverence and adoration of our loving Father. He wants us to ask for forgiveness in our prayers and to plead for strength to resist evil. Then, after we express our heartfelt gratitude for the many gifts He has given us, we can freely ask for those righteous desires of our heart. Paul’s counsel is so powerful: “Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus.”


© Carol Brown

The Peace of Integrity

Whenever we live in a spirit of honesty and kindness, we experience greater peace of mind. Many cultures today do not honor business or political leaders or employees who are trustworthy. Whistleblowers are fired. Banking regulators who expose fraud are ridiculed. Leaders who steal from their customers are rewarded with huge salaries and bonuses.

To be a truly peaceful person, we need to select values that promote true happiness and then choose actions that reflect our values. When our values and our actions mesh, we are living with integrity.

Although few are totally honest, and some are so brutally honest that they offend others with their rudeness, we can live lives of integrity and still be kind and merciful to others. Job, who lived in Old Testament times, was such a man.

We know that Job suffered great adversity, losing his children, his wealthy, his health, and the respect of his wife and friends. Even though he had lost everything that he held dear, he still retained his integrity. He refused to curse God and die, even after his wife counseled him to do so. He was one man on the earth who held fast to his integrity, even when no one seemed to appreciate or honor his courage—no one, that is, but God.

God rewarded Job for his integrity and his faithfulness, restoring his health, doubling his riches, and giving him seven sons and three daughters. But, if Job had never been rewarded for his integrity, he would have continued to remain faithful to his God and his values. Job said, . Job said, “Till I die I will not remove mine integrity from me.”

So how can we live with greater integrity and how will integrity increase our peace of mind?

First, we can keep our promises. When we follow through on our commitments, we feel greater serenity and those who trust us feel more peaceful as well. Today I had to decline a request that I really wanted to do but which I felt I could not complete to my satisfaction. When I declined the offer, my loved one stated, “Thanks for being honest. I would rather hear now that you cannot complete this assignment rather than learn later that you are unable to do so.”

Sometimes we may over-commit ourselves and find it impossible to do everything that others want us to do. In those situations, we either need to delegate, decline the offer, or discuss with the person to whom we have committed our services how we can work out a solution. Often the kindest thing we can say to someone who asks something of us that we are unable to perform is “I’m sorry. I wish I could help you, but right now, I’m unable to do it.”

Next, we need be financially honest. Living with credit card debt, evading taxes, and spending more than we earn does not increase our peace of mind. I have learned that I can be happy living on minimum wage in a restored chicken coop as long as I am free from debt. I can wear second-hand clothes, eat simple meals, and enjoy the simple pleasures of life and still be happy. Media attempts to convince us that a new house, car, wardrobe, or furniture will make us happy. It suggests that having the best foods, electronics, vacations, or “stuff” will make us happy. Certainly, these things may provide immediate gratification, but if they are purchased with funds that we cannot repay, they will not provide lasting peace. Nearly three thousand years ago, Lao Tzu said, “Be content with what you have. Rejoice in the way things are. When you realize there is nothing lacking, the whole world belongs to you.”

Finally, we need to be faithful to our spouses. Integrity in any relationship is so precious that it is invaluable. In a world that celebrates promiscuity, nothing brings greater sorrow that knowing that our loved one has broken his or her marriage vows. Like Joseph of old, we need to flee when we are faced with temptation, whether it appears on a computer screen, in our place of business, or in a chat room. Thankfully, we worship a God who is quick to forgive, but many broken hearts could be avoided if husbands and wives chose integrity over instant gratification.

When our actions are consistent with our values, we become whole. We experience greater serenity and inner peace. Imagine the number of marriages, jobs, homes, and lives that would be saved right now if spouses, businesses leaders, mortgage brokers, and politicians lived with a spirit of integrity. W. Clement Stone, a successful business and philanthopist, said, “Have the courage to say no. Have the courage to face the truth. Do the right thing because it is right. These are the magic keys to living your life with integrity."


© Carol Brown

My Week

This week has been a bit difficult. The following are a few situations that have caused stress:

• My husband had surgery on his foot, and he’s not following doctor’s orders very well (about not walking much for 3 days). He was climbing a ladder this morning to repair a clogged drain on the roof and is back to work already.

• I burned my finger badly when I dropped a casserole from the oven into the oven door and floor, making a terrible mess in the process. (I had made the dish for a dear friend who is very ill.)

• A family member is going through a difficult divorce and needed my help at a busy time.

• I learned some very disturbing information about a family member that I dearly love.

• I have not felt well.

I know you have weeks that are just as difficult—if not more so. Fortunately, I have not allowed my sorrow to destroy my peace of mind. I’ve focused on serving others, especially my neighbors and grandchildren, remembered to count my many blessings, and have focused my thoughts on God’s loving kindness and his goodness.

I love this quote by Mother Teresa: "Yesterday is gone. Tomorrow has not yet come. We only have today. Let us begin."

Thanks for reading this blog. Your comments always bring me peace. May you find joy in the journey as you face the challenges, joys and sorrows of life.


© Carol Brown

Peaceful Living in a Stress-filled World

We live in a world that will destroy our peace if we let it. Media often sensationalizes contention, conflict, and crisis. Sometimes even turning in the television or radio can plant seeds of worry or fear in our hearts.

In his book God's Power to Change Your Life, Rick Warren describes three types of peace. The first is spiritual peace or peace with God. Romans 5:1 say, “Since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ.” As we seek to know and love God better, we experience more of his peace.

Next comes emotional peace. Colossians 3:15 says, “Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since….you were called to peace.” I love the thought that God wants to call us to peace, to give us peace. I picture Him with open arms asking us to come to Him, that we might have peace. Remember that shortly before Christ was crucified, He told His disciples, “Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.”

Third, we need relational peace or peace with other people. Romans 12:18 says, “If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.” I have discovered that when I seek to strengthen my relationship with God, I experience greater emotional and relational peace.

So how do find the perfect peace that God wants us to experience? Rick Warren suggests that we can do five things.

First, we find peace when we obey God’s principles found in his Word. The psalmist says, “Great peace have they who love your law, and nothing can make them stumble….I obey your statutes, for I love them greatly” (Ps. 119: 165, 167). God has taught us the secret to living a peaceful life, and we discover those secrets as we read his words.

Next, if we want peace, we must accept God’s pardon, his forgiveness and release from punishment. We suffer torment and misery when we fail to repent of our sins and experience the healing power of forgiveness. Micah 7:18 says, “Who is a god like you, who pardons sins and forgives…transgression?...You do not stay angry forever but delight to show mercy.”

Third, we must focus our thoughts and hearts on God. Isaiah 26:3 says, “Thou wilt keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on thee: because he trusteth in thee.” What an amazing promise! I have discovered that when I lose my feelings of peace, I am focusing on problems, concerns, worries, or fears and have forgotten to focus on God. As we always remember God and recall His infinite love for us, we experience His peace.

Next, to experience God’s peace, we must trust in Him. Proverbs 3 5-6 says, “Trust in the LORD with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct your paths” (NKJV). I know that when I trust completely in God, I allow Him to guide me and comfort me. This is not always easy to do, but as we remember that He knows and loves us more than we can imagine, we can begin to accept His will in our lives, even when we do not understand the meaning of all things.

Finally, we need to ask God for peace. In Phillippians 4, Paul tells us, “Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus” (vv. 6-7, emphasis added.)

I have discovered that sincere and earnest prayer can overcome worry. Jesus told his disciples, “Do not let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God trust also in me” (John 14:1). Rick Warren reminds us, “You will not experience true or lasting peace until Jesus Christ is in charge of your life. Remember: peace is not a trouble-free life; it is a sense of calm in the midst of life’s storms.”

All of us experience trials that would destroy our peace. As we give our worries to God in prayer and allow Him to direct our lives, we will find peace. Perhaps the Serenity Prayer can help you to do this:

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.

As we obey God’s teachings in His Word, accept His forgiveness, focus our thoughts on Him, trust in Him, and ask for His peace, He will give us peace. Then, we can meet the sorrows of the world with serenity, knowing that God is walking beside us and that He will direct our paths for good.

© Carol Brown

Never Alone

When we feel that no one cares for us or understands us, we suffer. Yet, it is easy to feel forgotten, forsaken, or forlorn in a world that promotes busyness at the expense of relationships. Mother Teresa said that loneliness and the feeling of being unwanted is the most terrible poverty.

God wants us to remember that we are never alone. He says,

• Yet I am always with you; you hold me by my right hand.

• And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age.

• I, the Lord Your God, will hold your right hand, saying to you, "Fear not. I will help you."

So how do we feel God’s presence when we feel alone? How do we recognize that He is with us?
A powerful way to experience God’s power in our lives is to follow Him, to walk with Him, to yoke or bind ourselves to Him.

Farmers yoke animals together so that their burdens are lightened and their work is easier. Christ challenges us to yoke ourselves to Him, to bind our hearts and thoughts to Him and to lean on Him. Imagine yourself literally bound to Christ as you meet with the oncology doctor, when you talk to an abusive boss, or when you grieve the loss of a child or spouse. Imagine Him standing beside you when you deal with your impertinent teen, when you hear that your best friend is terminally ill, or when you face a painful surgery.

Consider His words: “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”

Picture yourself walking beside Christ, yoked to Him by the power of His love. Imagine that He is carrying your sorrows, your pain, your grief, your loneliness. See Him making your burden light because He is lifting your burden from you and, then, through the power of His grace, carrying you every moment of your life.

When we yoke ourselves to Christ, we try to live as He would live. We choose friends, entertainment, and thoughts that bring us to Christ. We seek to love as He loved, speak as He spoke, and serve as He served. We chose to love Him with all of our hearts, knowing that He always loves us with all of His heart.

As we yoke ourselves to Christ, we realize that because of His power, we can do all things that He wants us to do because He strengthens us. We can find rest and comfort for our souls. We can become whole.


© Carol Brown