This week I'm teaching a class on finding peace during the holidays. This quote describes how we can keep peace in our hearts not only during the Christmas season but throughout each day of the year:
"THIS CHRISTMAS, mend a quarrel. Seek out a forgotten friend. Dismiss suspicion, and replace it with trust. Write a love letter. Share some treasure. Give a soft answer. Encourage youth. Manifest your loyalty in word and deed. Keep a promise. Find the time. Forgo a grudge. Forgive an enemy. Listen. Apologize if you were wrong. Try to understand. Flout envy. Examine your demands on others. Think first of someone else. Appreciate. Be kind; be gentle. Laugh a little. Laugh a little more. Deserve confidence. Take up arms against malice. Decry complacency. Express your gratitude. Go to church. Welcome a stranger. Gladden the heart of a child. Take pleasure in the beauty and wonder of the earth. Speak your love. Speak it again. Speak it still once again."
Although healthy stress motivates us to accomplish our goals, care for our families, and become all that we can be, too much of it can be deadly. Unless we learn how to effectively deal with challenging, nerve-racking situations, they can shorten our lives or even end them. So here are a few more tips that can turn a tense time into a peaceful one.
• Create a positive affirmation or statement for your life and think about it during trying times. Here are a few sentences that could be included in an affirmation: “I am loveable and am loved.” “I am a beloved child of God who loves me just as I am.” “My life is peaceful and happy.” “I have all the time that I need to fulfill my destiny.”
• Tense then relax. If you are feeling stressed, tense a muscle group, such as your shoulder, arm or leg for a few seconds while breathing deeply and then relax those muscles. You can do this while waiting at a red light, while sitting in a business meeting, or whenever you find yourself in a stressful situation. This process has been proven to decrease stress and increase your peace of mind.
• Visualize peace. Imagine how you can react peacefully to a difficult situation. Picture how you can successfully navigate a difficult conversation, circumstance, or crisis. Think of ways you can inject love and understanding into your relationships and life experience. Envision yourself speaking words of kindness, wisdom, and insight. We can transform our lives as we see ourselves becoming a peaceful, happy person.
• Elminiate self-defeating thoughts and behaviors. Let go of self-critical thinking patterns by replacing them with thoughts of gratitude and compassion. If you find you are frustrated with things that you can’t do, focus on the think you can do. If you are upset because you are weak in some areas, focus on the ways in which you are strong and ask God to help you may your weak things strong. He will as you trust in Him.
• Create a peaceful environment. Listen to music that enhances peace, and turn off music or television programs that do not. Place a beautiful flower in a vase and focus on it during the day. Eliminate clutter and create a home that fosters harmony and peace.
• Choose friends that find happiness amid the challenges of life. Friends who love life will boost your sense of serenity and joy. Seek out friendships with people who love and respect you.
• Find ways to increase your peace of mind, such as reading inspirational and sacred literature, praying, or focusing on the beauties of nature. Massage, acupuncture, acupressure, tai chi, and aromatherapy can be helpful in reducing stress. Sprinkling a few drops of essential lavender oil on your pillow before you go to bed or rubbing a few drops on your temples before you go to work can be helpful. Finding an expert massage therapist who specializes in stress reduction can be invaluable. Sometimes we pay more attention to caring for our homes or cars than we do in caring for ourselves. Although stress reduction doesn’t have to cost a lot of money, a few dollars invested in taking a tai chi class or getting a massage can provide priceless results.
Since last year was a particularly difficult one for my family, I am seeking to create a more peace-filled life this year. Although I was coping well with my own health challenges, when one of my children faced significant health struggles, I found it easy to become worried, anxious, and depressed. When I failed to meditate, live in the moment, and express gratitude, I discovered life became very difficult for me.
Here are a few tips that will make this year more peaceful for me and for each of us.
1. Peace is a priceless gift which God gives those who focus on His love and walk in His light. When we center our thinking on a Higher Power rather on worldly worries, we experience greater peace. Reading the Bible or other inspired literature daily can enhance our ability to experience serenity.
2. Choose your friends wisely. Some people are peace-zappers. They live with chaos and contention and want you to experience the same distress. Seek out friends and mentors who walk in peace and learn from their examples. These people do not seek addictive substances or habits to dull their senses but enjoy the everyday beauties of life.
3. Set appropriate boundaries. Don’t try to run faster than you can walk. Turn off your phone when you want to spend quality time with your family. Say “no” nicely when people ask you to overextend yourself or do things that steal your joy. Turn off television programs and music that do not enhance serene living.
4. Seek the Spirit. God wants you to have peace, but you cannot experience it if you lack the Spirit in your life. Paul teaches us that the fruits of the spirit are “love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith, meekness, temperance.” Live in such a manner that you invite the Spirit into your life. Wholesome thoughts, literature, entertainment, and music enhance our spirituality and our peace.
5. Live in the moment. As we live in the moment, we do not worry about the future or fret about the past. We experience the present gift of life with gratitude and joy. Mother Teresa said, "Yesterday is gone. Tomorrow has not yet come. We only have today. Let us begin."
May this be a peace-filled year for you and your loved ones. Hopefully, one--or more--of these ideas will help you experience greater serenity as you face the challenges and joys of everyday living.
Tonight I visited with four friends who've faced some serious challenges this year. One beautiful woman has to move. She is leaving neighbors and friends that she adores because her husband has been transferred. Although she believed they were settled into their dream home permanently, yesterday they sold their home. (In this economy, that is a blessing!)
Another dear friend is caring for her bipolar mother, who cycles from deep depression one day to mania the next. Her mom's psychiatrist continues to adjust her mom's medications, but her mom is very sick right now. Meanwhile, my friend is mothering four children along with her own mother.
Another friend has overwhelming responsibilities at work. Her drug-addicted nephew has convinced her elderly mother to give him all of her savings, and she has some serious financial challenges herself.
Another friend's husband lost his job. She has returned to work, needs surgery, and has no medical insurance. Yet, all these women are joyful, caring, and compassionate. They lift me up when I am down, and hopefully my love for them lightens their loads a bit. They love the Lord, and that love is reflected in their faces, words, and actions. They care about others and serve others in community and church organizations. They are kind, forgiving, and patient. I thank God for their friendship.
We all need friends who lift us up, who love us, and who inspire us to be our best selves. And we need to be good friends to ourselves! The Lord asks us to love others as we love ourselves, not instead of loving ourselves.
Last week I went to lunch with a dear friend. Our waitress was a beautiful young woman with gorgeous blue eyes and exquisite brown hair. While she was taking our orders, I said, "You are so beautiful!" and the young woman said, "Oh, thank you! I'm having an awful day, and I needed to know someone cares." She smiled at us so sweetly as we left, and I gave her a generous tip, wanting to make her day even better. And in the process, I felt happier and more peaceful during a difficult and stressful day.
Two weeks ago I attended a surprise birthday party for a friend. I sat next to a world-class model who admitted to me that she felt shy and insecure since she didn't know anyone at the party. (Neither did I.) I asked her about her career, the movies she has made, and the commercials she starred in. (They are shown all over the world!) This woman is breathtakingly beautiful, and yet she hungered for a kind word.
A few years ago I helped host a group of dignitaries from Iraq. (How this happened is another story, for I am just a common, ordinary woman.) I asked a prominent speaker, writer, and CEO of a large corporation to speak to the Iraqi guests for ten minutes. Before she spoke, this powerful, famous, popular woman was absolutely terrified. After I encouraged and consoled her for some time, she stood before the men and gave an amazing speech, talking about the importance of women's rights in a respectful and powerful way.
Over 30 years ago, Beth, her husband, and two daughters moved into a home across the street from ours. Beautiful, smart, witty, and wise, Beth savored life, lived happily, and loved purely. She faced adversity with faith and courage, and she blessed my life by her example.
When cancer destroyed the nerves in her spinal column after the birth of her second daughter, Beth became a paraplegic. During the 27 years that followed, she faced daunting health challenges. She often spent a month or two in the hospital each year, laying on her stomach after surgery. Other times, complications from her illness resulted in weeks of laying patiently while she waited for her body to heal. As I watched Beth endure great suffering, she taught me some secrets of peaceful living. Among them are:
1. Find beauty. When Beth lay in the hospital--too weak to read, visit, or watch t.v.--she observed shadows move across the room. An artist, Beth found beauty in the shading, form, and texture of the shadows. She found beauty on all of God's creations, even ones we may not notice.
2. Learn to laugh. Beth laughed at herself, her condition, and the ironies of life. She loved my children and laughed at their antics. She laughed when we watched videos together in her bedroom, when she talked about her hospital escapades, and when we visited over the phone. Laughter prolonged her life, and lessened her pain.
3. Serve someone. Beth found creative ways to serve others. She taught my older daughter to sew. She tended my younger daughter after school when I worked. She cooked gourmet lunches for her friends, created gorgeous Christmas tree ornaments for her loved ones, and designed an exquisite counted cross-stitch masterpiece for me, which read, "The most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or touched. They must be felt with the heart."
4. See the positive. Beth reminded me that all of us face disabilities of one form or another. Some cannot walk, see, or hear. Others cannot trust God, forgive, or love. Beth said she preferred the former disabilities because she could still live with faith and optimism even though she could not walk. Beth focused on the beauties and blessings of life and overlooked the disappointments and heartaches.
Yesterday I spoke to a large group of troubled youth at a high school. As we discussed addiction recovery steps, which included accessing the help of a Higher Power, one young man said, "I don't believe in God. He just doesn't exist."
I replied, "When you hit rock bottom and have no where else to turn, hopefully you will discover God's power. Recovered addicts say they needed the help of a Higher Power. Some things are just too difficult to do alone."
After the class, I learned that this young man's father killed himself two weeks ago. His mother is consumed with grief, and his uncle, an addict, is the only adult who shows interest in the youth. I saw pain and anger in this youth's eyes as he bragged about his addiction and defied me to convince him that he had a problem. I could teach,respect, and encourage him, but I could not change him. He will need to make that choice.
Sometimes we need a friend to console us. That young man certainly does. Each of us needs someone who truly loves and respects us. "A friend is someone who understands your past, believes in your future, and accepts you just the way you are,” we read.
Friends and family can be a great support, but sometimes no one truly understands our pain. No one, that is, but God, who described Himself as "a man of sorrows acquainted with grief." He knew loneliness, rejection, pain, sadness, and every temptation and suffering known to man. He understands us.
God doesn't go on vacation, put us on hold, or send our requests to voice mail when we need to visit with Him. He immediately hears every word we utter and answers every prayer. He can bring good out of what others intended for evil. He will strengthen, sustain and uphold us as we face adversity. All we need to do is ask for His help.
This blog is a place to find serenity as we face the challenges and stresses of life. Here you can find ways to live more authentically and happily. May this be a place of comfort and peace for those who read and comment.
“In the world you shall have tribulation: but be of good cheer; I have overcome the world.”
We can never obtain peace in the outer world until we make peace with ourselves.-- Dalai Lama
Gaelic Blessing
Deep peace of the running wave to you Deep peace of the flowing air to you Deep peace of the quiet earth to you Deep peace of the shining stars to you Deep peace of the gentle night to you Moon and stars pour their healing light on you Deep peace of Christ, of Christ The light of the world to you Deep peace of Christ to you.
Prayer of St. Francis
Lord, make me an instrument of your peace; where there is hatred, let me sow love; when there is injury, pardon; where there is doubt, faith; where there is despair, hope; where there is darkness, light; and where there is sadness, joy. Grant that I may not so much seek to be consoled as to console; to be understood, as to understand, to be loved as to love; for it is in giving that we receive, it is in pardoning that we are pardoned, and it is in dying [to ourselves] that we are born to eternal life.
This week I'm teaching a class on finding peace during the holidays. This quote describes how we can keep peace in our hearts not only during the Christmas season but throughout each day of the year:
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