God Has Not Promised

© Carol Brown

Be Kind to Yourself

When we love and value ourselves just as we are, we empower ourselves to become all that we can be. We then can better love and value others, for we realize that everyone is a precious child of God and understand that no one is of greater or lesser value than another.

When we are kind to ourselves, we nurture ourselves,set healthy boundaries, and do not try to run faster than we can walk. When we feel compassion for ourselves, we refuse to compare ourselves to others. Because we honor our own gifts and potential, we can also celebrate the gifts and potential of others.

Consider the ways that we can be kind to ourselves:

1. Honor and respect your body. Realize that because you are wonderfully made, you do not need to compare your physical appearance to others. When you are kind to your body, you choose a healthy lifestyle. You eat nutritious foods, exercise when possible, and schedule time for sleep and rest. You do not compare yourself to others but honor and cherish your body as a precious gift from God.

2. Choose to remember kind thoughts about yourself and others. Although it is easy to think negatively about ourselves, harboring critical or shame-filled thoughts, we can recognize those thoughts when they appear and then release them. It may be helpful to memorize a positive affirmation or two to help during times when our inner dialogue becomes stuck in negative thinking patterns. Here are a few suggestions: I feel safe and protected. I am always loved. I can handle anything that comes into my life. I am beautifully and wonderfully made. I am at peace in my own body. I relish in the experience of life. I transmit harmony to everyone I meet. I am whole and complete. I move easily with the flow of life. I choose to experience kindness and compassion.

3. Release shame and guilt. When we experience shame, we believe we are unworthy of love, that we are defective. When we remember that we are a divine child of God, we realize that we are innately precious and powerful. Guilt can be a healthy emotion when it motivates us to turn away from a self-destructive choice and replace it with a self-compassionate one. However, staying stuck in guilt-filled thoughts can keep us from turning away from negative behavior and turning to a Higher Power.

4. Forgive yourself. Accept the fact that because none of us is perfect, each of us will make our share of mistakes while we are on this mortal journey. We can remain stuck in our guilt, learn from our mistakes and try not to repeat them, or give up trying to become whole because we refuse to forgive ourselves. As we release our need to be perfect, we can pursue a path of wholeness and peace.

5. Celebrate your talents and gifts. Albert Einstein said, “Everybody is a genius but if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing it was stupid.” Discover your gifts and then use them to bless the life of someone else. Each of us has the ability to make life more beautiful and happy not only for ourselves but for others as we develop and then share our talents.

6. Set healthy boundaries. Sometimes we are kinder to others than we are to ourselves. If we are finding ourselves burned out, worn out, or fed up with the demands of others, we need to learn to say “no,” to delegate wisely, or to pace ourselves in our efforts to meet the needs of those whom we love. We need to take the time to care for ourselves so that we can care for others in positive ways.

7. Live in a spirit of gratitude. Thank God daily for the blessings that you enjoy. Receive service and love from others with an open heart. As we recognize and appreciate the many spiritual and material gifts that we enjoy, we live in a spirit of kindness. We are less prone to compare ourselves to others, to envy others, or to criticize ourselves and others. When we are truly thankful for all that we have, we see life through the lens of contentment and peace. And, that contentment creates feelings of joy, kindness, happiness, goodness, and patience. I love the words of Meister Eckhart, who wrote, “If the only prayer you ever say in your whole life is ‘thank you,’ that would suffice.”

When we stop and think about it, isn’t everyone worthy of our kindness. Then, too, are you.



© Carol Brown

Selfishness, Selflessness and Self-compassion

We experience peace when we learn to fully love ourselves so that we can then radiate that love to others. When we care only about achieving, earning, or having more than others, we do not find true peace. When are not content when we are either comparing ourselves with those whom we believe are above us or ridiculing those whom we consider beneath us. Selfishness does not promotes genuine serenity for true love gives as well as receives love.

Although helping and serving others can provide peace, if we love others instead of loving ourselves we can become dependent on others for our happiness instead of trusting in God as the Source of all peace and joy. The account of the Prodigal Son describes a father who loved his son perfectly without becoming codependent on his son for his own happiness. When the son rebelled from his father, the father allowed the son to suffer the consequences for his unwise decisions yet enthusiastically welcomed his son back after the son repented and returned. If the father had tried to rescue his son, his son would not have learned from his bad choices. If the father had been consumed with self-loathing because of his son's self-defeating choices, he might have lacked the strength to forgive his repentent child and receive him when he returned. When we become obsessively selfless, we may be effective at giving love but not at receiving it.

When we trust completely in God, we allow Him to fill our hearts with peace even when life is difficult and unfair. When we feast on God's infinite love for us, we can then give and receive His love freely. Self-compassion, a gift from God, enhances our ability to love ourselves and to love others. We learn to love ourselves because God first loved us. Then, filled with His love, we can love others in healthy ways that promote happiness and peace.

© Carol Brown

Self-Compassion versus Self-Esteem

Dr. Kristen Neff recently published a book about self-compassion, which is her research specialty as a psychologist. Self-esteem, which is promoted in many schools throughout the United States, is comparison-based and fear-based. It emphasizes that we need to be better than others to be valued. It assumes that we need to be smarter, more attractive, more successful that others, a thinking pattern that can foster anxiety and depression if we don't believe we're good enough or narcissism and selfishness if we assume we're better than others.

Self-compassion is love-based, an acceptance and appreciation for ourselves just the way we, divine children of God, are. When we have self-compassion, we treat ourselves with the same kindness and understanding that we would treat a dear friend. We seek to love ourselves as unconditionally as God loves us. Sharon Salzberg says, "Loving ourselves points us to capacities of resilence, compassion,and understanding within that are simply part of being alive."

Dr. Neff explains that self-compassion has three components:

Self-kindness. When we are gentle and patient with ourselves, we accept the fact that we won't always have the life experiences we would choose and we won't always be perfect in every situation. This simple but profound change in our thinking patterns can enhance our inner peace.

Common humanity. When we realize that all people suffer and experience sorrow and difficulties at times, we discover that we are not alone. We are consequently less judgmental of our personal mistakes and find it easier to forgive ourselves and others when we or they are less than perfect.

Mindfulness. When we are mindful, we recognize our negative emotions, feel them, and then allow ourselves to release them so that they are neither suppressed or exaggerated. As we become aware of the verbal chatter we listen to in our minds, we can also notice the physical results of our thinking. For example, fearful thinking may produce tension in our necks, backs, or shoulders. When we allow ourselves to process our fears, we can then work on releasing the tension in our bodies and minds through meditation and mindfulness.

Dr. Neff's book is a ground-breaking work in self-compassion, which is an important component of peace. She writes, "Self-compassion has the power to....transmute suffering into joy. By changing the way we relate to our own imperfection and pain, we can actually change our experience of living. Try as we may, we can't control life so that it is exactly as we want it to...yet when we wrap our suffering in the cocoon of compassion, something new emerges. Some wonderful, exquisite, beautiful."

&copy Carol Brown

Peace and Self-Compassion

Sometimes we are kinder to others than we are to ourselves. Many of us are more forgiving and compassionate to others than we are to ourselves. When we continually give to others without caring for ourselves, we may experience burn out or even severe depression.

So how to we show self-compassion without becoming a narcissist? Here are a few ways that can help:

• Remember that you are a beloved child of God, and that He loves you just the way you are. Just as a parent loves their children unconditionally, God loves us with a pure and perfect love. He cares about us more than we can comprehend. He loved you—individually—enough to die for you, that you might live forever with Him if you choose to love and follow Him.


• Learn to distinguish between guilt and shame. Guilt motivates us to turn away from sin and turn towards God. Shame locks us in fear that we aren’t good enough, beautiful enough, or capable enough—even when we are doing our best. Dr. Brene Brown writes: “Shame is the intensely painful feeling or experience of believing that we are flawed and therefore unworthy of love and belonging.” Seek to eliminate shameful thoughts from your mind and replace them with thoughts of gratitude and love.

• Celebrate your talents and divine worth. Remember that God created you in His image and that you are amazing just the way you are. No one in the world has your abilities and gifts. As you cultivate your talents and share them with others, you will experience inner peace. With that peace, we can become an instrument in healing the world.

Today, do something kind for yourself. In the process, you will be energied to show compassion for others. Remember, God asks us to love others as we love ourselves--not instead of loving ourselves.

The Dalai Lama, in his book How to Be Compassionate, says: "As we become nicer human beings, our neighbors, friends, parents, spouses, and children will experience less anger, prompting them to become more warm-hearted, compassionate, and harmonious. The very atmosphere becomes happier, which even promotes good health. This is the way to change the world."

Perfect Peace

It's been a hectic few months filled with joy and sorrow. My husband's brother died, then mine. A beloved cousin passed away. Our son married a wonderful woman and is now the parent of three beautiful children. There were days of happiness and days filled with pain. Some experiences brought me peace. Others broke my heart.

Yet, amid the challenges of life, the Lord promises us peace when He trust in Him.

May you enjoy this inspired song and experience greater peace on your life.

Peace and Perfectionism

Some of us are trying too hard to do too much. We are weary and don't find the peace we are seeking. If you are an over-achiever, you may need to slow down to find peace. You may need to say "no" to some less essential things so that you can embrace the simple joys of living.

God knows you better than you know yourself. He wants you to be happy. He wants to enfold you in the arms of His love. To experience that bliss, we need to tune out the world with its worries and fears and tune into the comfort of God's infinite compassion for each one of us.

When God asked us to become "perfect," as the Bible suggests, the Greek origin of that word is "whole" and "complete". God wants us to develop our talents and gifts in a joyful manner. He wants us to learn to love and forgive completely and without reservation. He wants heal us with His grace and unimaginable power, but He does not want us to wear ourselves out chasing unrealistic goals.

Yesterday I attended my brother-in-law Ray's funeral. During the past year, two brothers and two of my dearest friends have died. Most of my extended family have passed away, and I've grieved at the loss of many of my closest friends. These dear people have taught me many lessons about finding peace. Here are a few:

Don't sweat the small stuff. People who are dying treasure time with loved ones. They don't care about the material possessions they have accumulated but value precious moments spent with close friends and family members. People who don't sweat the small stuff experience greater peace than those who do.

Live in the moment. The past is gone. Don't fret about it. The future is ahead. Don't worry about events that may never occur. Plan wisely and then enjoy the beauties of life. Listen to the birds chirping outside your window. Notice the leaves blooming on the trees. Watch the sparkle in the eyes of your loved ones. Breathe deeply and reflect on the blessings which God has given you.

Celebrate life. My dear brother-in-law Terry has buried two wives, two sons, and his beloved granddaughter is currently fighting brain cancer.His life has been very difficult, yet his trials have taught him that God lives and loves Him. Terry shares God's love with others by sending them an inspirational text each morning that he has composed. He reaches out to those who are grieving and invites family members to lunch each week. He loves life and has become a hero to those of us who are fortunate to know and love him.

Remember that ideals are not sticks to beat ourselves with but stars to steer by. Only one man ever walked the earth, and Jesus was and is God incarnate. As we learn from His example, we realize that God Himself took times to go into the mountains and commune with His Father. He took time to meditate and rest. Our Sabbaths offer us a day of spiritual renewal, and we can take time each day to refresh our spirits as we pray, read the Scriptures, and bask in God's love.

I like the story of the little cracked pot. A waterbearer in India had two large pots. One hung on each end of a pole, which she carried across her neck.

One of the pots had a crack in it, while the other pot was perfect and always delivered a full portion of water at the end of the long walk from the stream to the mistress's house. The cracked pot arrived only half full.

For a full two years this went on daily. The perfect pot was proud of its accomplishments, but the cracked pot was ashamed of its imperfection and miserable that it was able to accomplish only half of what it had been made to do.

After two years of what it perceived to be a bitter failure, it spoke to the water bearer one day by the stream: "I am ashamed of myself, and I want to apologize to you."

Why?" asked the bearer. "What are you ashamed of?"

The pot replied, "I have been able for these past two years to deliver only half my load because this crack in my side causes water to leak out all the way back to your mistress's house. Because of my flaws, you don't get full value from your efforts," the pot said.

The water bearer replied, "As we return to the mistress's house, I want you to notice the beautiful flowers along the path."

As they went up the hill, the cracked pot took notice of the sun warming the beautiful wild flowers on the side of the path, and this cheered it some, but at the end of the trail, it still felt bad because it had leaked out half its load, and so it again it apologized to the bearer for its failure.

The bearer said to the pot, "Did you notice that there were flowers only on your side of the path, but not on the other pot's side? That's because I have always known about your flaw, and I took advantage of it. I planted flower seeds on your side of the path, and every day while we walk back from the stream, you've watered them.

“For two years I have been able to pick these beautiful flowers to decorate my mistress's table. Without you being just the way you are, she would not have this beauty to grace her house."

May we remember that each of us can become instruments in God's hands as we give our hearts--and our weaknesses--to Him and and allow Him to make our weak things strong according to I will and perfect timing.

© Carol Brown

Peace-filled Thinking

When we center our thoughts on love, hope, and faith, we experience peace. In a world filled with messages of hate and despair, sometimes we find that we lose the sense of serenity that we seek, yet peace is available. Consider the words of Paul, "Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus (Phil. 4:6-7).

Paul teaches us how to turn negative thoughts into peace-filled ones in this simple statement. Here a few tips that may help you experience greater peace and happiness as you implement Paul's advice.

Give your worries to God.

All of us have concerns and troubles at times, and when we do, we need a Higher Power to help us. We can tell God about all of our worries and fears and then give them to Him. Let Him carry them. Let Him comfort us.

Ask for help.

Life is too hard to make it on our own. We need God's help. Ask Him specifically for the things you need. If you need help on a test, ask Him help you remember the things you've studied. If you need help in a relationship, ask Him what you can do to strengthen and sustain it? If you need help in solving a difficult problem, study out possible solutions and then ask God to confirm if your choice is the right one. He waits to listen and is the best Counselor ever!

Give thanks in all things.

Many times when we find we are discouraged and disheartened, we are forgetting to express gratitude for the blessings we have. Can you see? Give thanks. Can you walk? Give thanks. Can you hear? Give God praise for that gift. Can you smell, taste, breathe, laugh, and love? Thank God for those precious gifts. As we focus on what we have--and not on what we lack--we discover that we are rich in the things that really matter.

Ask God to guard your thoughts and feelings.

If you find yourself berating yourself or others, ask Him to give you compassion. If you find yourself condemning yourself or others, ask Him to give you mercy. If you find yourself losing hope, ask Him to strengthen your faith. Then, after you ask for His help, decide to change your thoughts. Think positively of yourself and others. Choose to forgive. Spend time each day praising God and remembering His many acts of kindness and tender mercy.

God wants us to be happy. As we center on thoughts on Christ, He will show us how to experience peace. We know apostle Paul suffered throughout his life with physical infirmities, and yet God used Him as a powerful instrument for good. Paul wrote that the Lord told him, "My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness." Paul replied, "Therefore most gladly I will rather boast in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me....For when I am weak, then am I strong."

May you find the peace this day that God is so eager to give you.